Providing effective discipline for your kids does not have to be a traumatic experience. In fact, at times it can be quite amusing.
Effective discipline is an essential part of any child’s life. Without basic family rules and regulations, young people have a tendency to run wild. This is not good for them, and it is not good for you as a parent. Disciplinary rules can and should become an interesting and fun time.
Your rules and regulations should not be cast in stone. There should be a little flexibility. e.g If your evening meal is set for 7:00pm, do not consider it a train smash if for some reason or another it needs to be moved to 7:30pm on a particular day.
Babies in particular need to know that bed-time means just that! But you don’t need to allow them to scream for a half hour before they drop off. Create a relaxed family routine with some gentle cuddle-time as part of your evening.
My daughter had a set family routine in the evening. Her son was fed at between 6:00 and 6:30pm, followed by a half hour cuddle and gentle playtime, this in turn was followed by bath-time which usually lasted up to half an hour and included more play-time. By this time her son was so relaxed that it took only a matter of minutes to pop him into his pajamas, do the rounds to say good-night and then it was bottle and bed. Of course, this routine did not happen over-night, but with firm patience and lots of love and quiet yet firm discipline he soon learned.
As regards older children I had very few rules in my home but those were : Let me know where you are at all times; don’t lie; don’t cheat; don’t steal ; and treat everybody with respect, until such time as they force you to lose faith in them, in which case, remain polite, but avoid that person whenever possible. Those rules were all I ever needed then and now.
In addition, when it came to how to discipline the teenagers around me, I found that it also worked wonderfully if I gave a reason or explanation for any instruction that I handed down, whether it was to my own kids or those that landed up on my doorstep.
I would never just say NO! without making sure that they fully understood my reasons for that answer. Actually, even that became part of our “fun discipline” routine. As soon as I started my explanation, my boys would try to hold my mouth closed, while I was equally determined to verbalize my reasoning.
As a result of the above, there used to be much laughter and I did not even have to give my two sons and daughter any curfews, they were always very considerate. Oh yes, there were and always will be, a hiccup here and there, but the trick is to remain calm and talk the problem through.
When my daughter was about 16, she came to me and asked what her curfew was, because all her friends had curfews. My reply was that she didn’t have one, but if she felt it was necessary, then we could discuss the problem and set one up.
She looked at me for the longest time, said that she thought that such a discussion would not be needed and then wandered off, shaking her head, but with a huge grin on her face. (just another small instance of effective discipline while still having a little fun which also became a family way of life for us).
I also discovered to my joy, that if you listen, really listen, to what your kids are saying, then a wonderful communication develops and you are able to find out what they feel about everything – you are entitled to disagree with them, and they with you, but only if you each provide concrete facts and examples to back up your argument (I considered this to be yet another instance of effective discipline that can be fun).
I used to love these debates and so did my children. It also taught them to listen well and think carefully. in addition, I was taught to understand that there were, and still are, many things that I can learn from them, no matter what their age is.
At the same time, parents should take an active part in their children’s lives from the point of view of doing things together, and plan lots of activities with the kids, whether those things are educational, sport related, or just plain for the fun of it. Parents need to introduce them to many of the wonderful things that are out there, that families can enjoy as a close knit and loving unit. If you don’t know what to do, or have got out of the habit, no matter, if you all work at it in an effective and disciplined manner your family will soon have much more fun as a group.
When my kids were very young, there were picnics; homework (yes, homework can produce times of positive discipline which can be both fun and very effective). My kids had a great time teasing me, because I simply couldn’t/wouldn’t understand their explanations- It also meant they had to spend time explaining everything to me very carefully. chores around the house Even the domestic discipline of chores can be turned into lighthearted fun at times if you use your noggin.
Effective discipline in the home also encompasses teaching self discipline. Many simple activities at home can be used to accomplish that e.g. playing ball in the back-yard; lying on the lawn looking at the stars at night; parties and barbecues for all ages (kids need to learn to interact with a variety of adults in a fun but disciplined way as well).
When they became older, my daughter would love to go to the local pool hall with her father (she played a mean game); and many a time I would go out for a quite drink with my sons (we would discuss subjects from problems their friends might be having, to the meaning of life).
Eventually, all my kid’s friends would land up on my doorstep to present their own problems with regard to family, friends, and dealing with discipline, so that we could discuss what they could do about them. I would try to teach these young people to look at their problems in a more light-hearted and pragmatic way.
Sometimes a private discussion would end up as a full-blown group discussion as re-enforcements were called in by the young man or woman who had instigated the talk and we would end up rolling around laughing helplessly – fun, but still effective discipline because it taught them how to think matters through, discipline themselves and help their friends with similar issues.
There were a few runaways, but the strange thing was, that somehow they always landed up at my home. Why? Because although they never fully realized it. They needed and wanted positive and effective discipline which would not demean or belittle them.
There was also one young fellow, who regularly bunked school – but what did he do? He would arrive at my house looking a little lost, and each time, I would load him into my car and take him off to school. Just a child looking for love, and rules, and perhaps a little bit of the lighthearted discipline that he didn’t get at home (I used to tease him unmercifully).
My door was always open (quite literally) and I would leave a pile of pillows and blankets in a corner of the lounge, for any young person (and they often came from quite a distance) who needed my family. There were many occasions that I would come through in the morning to find as many as 10 young bodies, curled up asleep on the living-room floor.
Of course, discipline was there as well, because they had to “pay” by helping me with the daily chores, both inside and out, and this they always did quite cheerfully (they were sharing my families disciplinary routines) – except for one young man. On that occasion, I sat all the others down and stood over the culprit while he did every single chore on his own – no “fun discipline” that day for him. The others thought it was great though, and he never made that mistake again.
There was another occasion that I thought was particularly amusing. I had told my eldest son, who had just moved into his “new rooms” (renovated servants quarters) next to the house, that if any of his pals wished to sleep over, they had to get permission from me first. Well needless to say, a bunch of his mates pitched up late that night and I caught them all the next morning.
The lot of them, my son included, were then given an essay to do on the subject of “integrity”. At the same time they were told that all visits were curtailed until the essays were given to me. After much moaning, and some laughter, about the fact that parents were not supposed to give out essays, I was given the required and completed information, except for one young man, the same one who wouldn’t do his chores.
For more than a month, I met my young friend almost daily at the gate to our property and denied him entrance. I got my essay, and he was once again a welcome visitor. That was the last time I ever had a problem with him.
What amused me most after that, was that every time one of the youngsters did something wrong, the others created their own disciplinary committee and made him or her write an essay directly related to the wrong-doing, and they even passed the “essay tip” on to the parents of younger children.
Effective discipline really does not have to be a horrendous or traumatic event. With a little creative thinking you should not have any problems when it comes to how to discipline teenagers as well as younger children in the family.
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